I'm bored. I've been downloading music off the internet. I love technology. Nothing makes me as happy as I get when I get a new CD or song on my mp3 player that I really love. Or don't know and can grow to love. I know that's really sad. But music is absolutely my life. Especially one band. I got really bad a couple of months back. Properly depressed and really suicidal. I had my death planned out, how I was going to do it, the date, I even wrote a suicide note and I was all ready but then I started listening to the band and their music totally changed the way I looked at what I was doing. I thought suicide was a way of winning. But they showed me it's just giving the game up. They showed me that I can fight this depression. They're the reason I'm trying. If it weren't for them, I'd be dead right now.
Oh my God. I'm really trying to keep this on a positive note, but I haven't been doing a very good job. But it doesn't matter, because no one's reading this. I don't blame them, to be honest, I'm broadcasting all the worst things about my life. Nothing about my amazing friends---at least the ones I still see, my real friends---or my hobbies---would any of you have ever guessed that I'm a figure skater?---or anything like that. Just all the sad, rubbish stuff.
I'm going now. I think I might delete this blog soon. Even if no one knows who I am, is it really the best idea to go round shouting about all this? What if someone I know, by chance, reads this and figures out it's me??? I'll think about it!
Black Mariah
1 comment:
People are reading and interested in how you cope with your bipolar disorder.
Post a Comment