I don't see the point. Everything's gone dark. I'm tired and cold all the time. I scream but no one can hear me.
I'm bleeding and crying.
I've got my pills.
And I want to die.
Just waiting for a better day.
Who knows if I'll be back.
If not, thank you for your support and your comments.
I guess no one can save me now.
No one can fix something they don't know is broken.
Black Mariah.
Saturday, 13 December 2008
Thursday, 4 December 2008
I'm Back...
Hi, again, guys.
This is going to have to be a really super quick post because I have a Maths test TOMORROW and I'm going to FAIL because I haven't studied AT ALL and I SUCK at Maths. Slightly overboard on the capitals there, but what can I say?
I'm trying to stop cutting. People have started calling me emo at school and they don't even know about the cutting. I was really flattered when they called me that but I'm aware that people already assossiate emo with self harm. I wasn't at all the way I am now when I started like aaaaages ago, but I know if people find out they'll blame emo. And the last thing I want is for my school to go all psycho on us and make us stop wearing what we like (we do have a uniform, but we can get away with personalizing) and make us all completely cloney conformisty unindividually boring looking. I really don't want that.
Technically, the reason I'm trying to stop cutting is because I absolutely hate the fact that I'm so addicted to it. I hate hiding all the scars, I hate lying to people. I thought the scars looked really cool, but they don't. They get in the fucking way. Can't wear shorts, have to hide when I'm getting changed for PE. It's horrible, completely life controlling. And I'm still pretty much depressed, but it's much less frequent. I'm completely bipolar at the moment. Totally high and totally low. It's weird, but that's just me! Ha, guess how I'm feeling now? High!
I just thought I'd inform you nice, supportive people that I'm trying to stop. And I'll probably be back here in a week depressed and suicidal and pathetic because that's seemingly the way I work right now. Plus I'll have failed a Maths test. But that's not really a reason to go suicidal, is it?
BUT just because I won't go suicidal over it does not mean that I'm okay with failing it, so I'm going to go and study now, because I've got tons of other stuff to do tonight as well and I'm going to bed in a couple of hours.
Happy Thursday people, and I'm sorry if I've weirded you out with my strange bipolar ways.
Thanks for reading! Comment please!!
Black Mariah.
This is going to have to be a really super quick post because I have a Maths test TOMORROW and I'm going to FAIL because I haven't studied AT ALL and I SUCK at Maths. Slightly overboard on the capitals there, but what can I say?
I'm trying to stop cutting. People have started calling me emo at school and they don't even know about the cutting. I was really flattered when they called me that but I'm aware that people already assossiate emo with self harm. I wasn't at all the way I am now when I started like aaaaages ago, but I know if people find out they'll blame emo. And the last thing I want is for my school to go all psycho on us and make us stop wearing what we like (we do have a uniform, but we can get away with personalizing) and make us all completely cloney conformisty unindividually boring looking. I really don't want that.
Technically, the reason I'm trying to stop cutting is because I absolutely hate the fact that I'm so addicted to it. I hate hiding all the scars, I hate lying to people. I thought the scars looked really cool, but they don't. They get in the fucking way. Can't wear shorts, have to hide when I'm getting changed for PE. It's horrible, completely life controlling. And I'm still pretty much depressed, but it's much less frequent. I'm completely bipolar at the moment. Totally high and totally low. It's weird, but that's just me! Ha, guess how I'm feeling now? High!
I just thought I'd inform you nice, supportive people that I'm trying to stop. And I'll probably be back here in a week depressed and suicidal and pathetic because that's seemingly the way I work right now. Plus I'll have failed a Maths test. But that's not really a reason to go suicidal, is it?
BUT just because I won't go suicidal over it does not mean that I'm okay with failing it, so I'm going to go and study now, because I've got tons of other stuff to do tonight as well and I'm going to bed in a couple of hours.
Happy Thursday people, and I'm sorry if I've weirded you out with my strange bipolar ways.
Thanks for reading! Comment please!!
Black Mariah.
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